Losing Control

Okay, so I made it 48 hours on my liquid fast. Nothing but chicken broth, juice, diet soda, and water. It felt really good, and then I woke up on Saturday and ate like woah. Those meal plans I made sat completely untouched while this fatty roamed rampant... 800 calories (and no exercise) later, I currently weigh 160.6. Started fast at 161.6, and ended at 159.8. The shit list includes a grilled chicken wrap (200), small cheeseburger (200), sugar-free ice cream (150), baked chips and dip (150), 1 can tuna (120).

I don't think I'm going to fast anymore. I felt so bitchy the second day, and very tired... maybe I just need food to focus on not eating more food, hah. There is waaaay too far to go to be playing games like this. So from now on, I'm eating everyday, with a net intake of no higher than 200 calories. Only 50 cals (if that) of junk food or sweets, only 0 cal drinks, lots of salad, and senna tea. Exercise every day as well - whatever it takes to burn off the day's damage.

Maybe when I'm skinny I can kiss food goodbye, but right now (I hate to say) I need it. Not eating is going to slow down my progress, and so is binging every other day. I need to strike a delicate balance so my metabolism spikes and my weight drops. Come on, come on, come on... no more fuck ups.

Walking tonight after work. Eating <250 calories, don't know what yet but I'm going to burn it all off later. Drinking tea until my insides burst. Trying so desperately, no matter how long it takes.

Intake:

• Broccoli and cheese (70 cal.)
• Beef, rice, and peppers (80 cal.)
• Turkey and mustard flatbread (100 cal.

Worked 4 hours as delivery driver (-200 cal.)

Net intake: 50 calories