Frayed Ends of Sanity

This morning, I volunteered to let the husband take the truck to work; I wanted to walk. Too bad I didn't remember that there's a freaking hurricane on the coast right now, which means lots of spin-off rainy action where I live. It's pouring down outside. I don't know what to do... go to work soaked? Find a ride? Don a plastic garbage bag and run like hell? We'll see. I'm just going to pray and hope for a fifteen minute reprieve around 4:30 this afternoon.

I'm going to forgive what happened last night. My husband says stupid things when he's drunk, and while I don't know if that's okay or not... I won't let it bother me to the point of psychosis and self-injury. I'm afraid to elaborate much here, but let's nod our heads in agreement when I say that I am crazy. I see and hear things when I'm in a distressed state of mind. Also, once my mind has de-rationalized itself, it's very easy to start listing all the reasons I should kill myself.

There's a lot of logic involved in my decision to grant forgiveness... rather important hunks of information regarding my marriage, my past, and my future. I just don't feel like writing about this shit anymore. I have news to share.

In the last ten days, I have lost:

• 3.5 pounds
• 2.34% body fat
• 1 inch on my waist and hips
• .5 inches on my neck, chest, navel, and thighs

It isn't as much progress as I had hoped for, but in my defense: I'm on my fucking period. Enough said? :|

Oh, and only two more pounds before I reach my lowest weight. I really can't believe how fat I've been all my adolescent life.