This morning I weighed 169.0 - should I be happy? In my heart I know that I made a tiny achievement, yet logically I am so far from my goals it is hard to rejoice. I don't even feel deserving of my haircut for reaching 170. This train of thought is actually positive, I promise. Celebration typically leads to binging. Which leads to hating myself for being a huge-fat-ass. And I don't want to be a fatass anymore. So I'm just going to keep my head to the ground about this and try not to get too full of myself.
The husband recently left for work, and I will be alone all night. Which means freedom from food. Yesterday I had 600 calories, so today I'll make up for that by attempting a liquid fast. If I can be convincing enough tonight that I already "ate", then I can enjoy my hunger all day long. No excuses for skipping meals, no purging in the secret... just pure, simple emptiness.
I'm moving in a month, and this is who I'll be hanging with in my new city.
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My friend from high school
Taken two years ago
Weight: Approx. 100 pounds
[picture removed]
Same friend, current photo
Weight: Unknown
I do not want to be the fat, tag-along friend anymore. I want to be beautiful, simple, graceful, delicate... and if I don't work harder this will never happen.
*Is motivated.*
I know how you feel about the small steps. Sometimes it feels like even though you are getting there, it's just so slow that it drives you insane =[ I'm a loooong way off my target but as long as I motivate myself to keep going I know I can do it, and I'm sure you can too. Stay strong and we'll both get through this xx
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