I did so well yesterday... then at 11pm I go pick up my husband and BAM - sandwich. The one he brings from work, thankfully with no cheese on wheat bread. Well I ate a whole 6 inch, with turkey, lettuce, and mustard. And then, since I had already fucked up, I went ahead and downed a 90 cal. pack of chocolate cookies. It wasn't even because I was hungry. The husband just looked at me with those sad eyes, like I was wasting away in front of him... he knows too much. This is making things difficult.
This morning we had an argument over his cigarette smoking. I hate waking up to find the house filled with smoke. I hate going to work and smelling like smoke. I don't even use the motherfuckers, myself... so why must I suffer? Well, he doesn't really think it's so bad, and is being inconsiderate about everything.
Right now, I can't feel anything. I went to the restroom and took apart a disposable razor in like three seconds flat. I'm so good at that. Sitting here with blood dripping down my arm... I am calm. Don't worry - I'm a professional. This is my favorite field, and I've been practicing for over half of my life.
Today I'm fasting again: take two. I won't subdue my desires this time. If I ever want to be thin, it's time to start thinking like my husband.
Me. Myself. I. Nothing else matters.
i sorry to hear about everything with the husband and goodluck with the fasting! Im fasting at the moment too (:
ReplyDeletethings'll get better