Detoxify

I've done horribly with my rules so far. Apparently I'm not in the right frame of mind right now for rigid structure... so I'm gonna go for a more abstract approach: "listening" to my body. It's hurting right now, and I need to feel better so I can get my ass back on track.

What my body's saying to me:

• Drink more water and juice
• Cleanse toxins from junk food
• Exercise more and tone flab
• Stop sleeping all day
• My period's coming soon

I'm going to stop weighing myself for a while, maybe until my period comes and goes. It's just so depressing to see that number only go up, and up, and up... but I know I can do this. I'll give my body everything it asks for, and when it needs food I'll give it either whole grains or fresh fruit/veggies. I'm going to drink epic amounts of water, and drink senna tea every night (regardless of my intake).

Last night I binged until my stomach was in agony. Somehow I felt that if I made myself sick enough, I would never want to eat again. It's almost as if I was punishing myself for having an appetite. I didn't really want any of that food. And I didn't throw any of it up. Yeah... now you see why I'm avoiding the scale.

Normally my mind would be in turmoil right now, considering how much I weigh, how long I've been at this weight, and how much I ate last night. I would probably hate myself so much right now. I guess I'm just saving my energy for productive efforts, which is good. I like being an optimist - it yields more results.

The other day, I donated my snack money ($5) to the charity we've been promoting at work. It felt so good to know I had just given 20 kids a meal instead of buying some fatty chips or something. Oh, and for those um "monetarily challenged" of you... http://freerice.com is a great way to feed those starving kiddos at no cost to you, and it's an amazing time-killer.

Stay beautiful, ladies.. xox