and then there were eight.

Gruesome post ahead. Hold on to your lunch, ladies.

See, the husband was in the kitchen last night... and our kittens like to scamper in between moving feet. One didn't scamper fast enough. His poor little head was crushed beneath my poor husband's boot. And if that wasn't bad enough, death came slowly - the cat was writhing on the floor for about 30 seconds, blood spurting everywhere.

Initially, I panicked and ran from the room, but after I realized my husband was still standing there, I took on my "strong survivor" role and went to fix things. I shielded his eyes and forced him to go into the bedroom. I picked up the dead cat and wrapped him in a towel, then spent 15 minutes scrubbing blood from the carpets. What a fucking horror show.

Over the course of my life I've buried many animals. I've scooped many corpses from the middle of the road. I've tended to fatal injuries. I've had to play doctor/mortician so many times.... so last night, I didn't cry. Not one single tear. And I feel so numb. I can't even begin to imagine how my husband feels.

On a different note: thanks for all the kind words on my last post. It's not so much that I can't write about what I want, it's just that I feel it would be bad for my credibility (as a writer) if I put random shit on here. It's like saying you'll write a book about oak trees, signing something with a publisher, and then producing a novel about rose bushes. It's just not logical.

I'm tired of this blog anyway, of obsessing over numbers. I have lost a total 35 pounds (16 kg) since starting this blog in July. However, my muscle mass has diminished to the point where I struggle with opening heavy doors. My mind isn't as sharp as it could be, and I don't want to see my husband worry about me anymore (even though he pretends that he doesn't). I still want to be thin more than anything. Now that I'm so close, maybe I can lay off the intensity a teeny bit... focus on living a healthier lifestyle. More food, more exercise. Less fat. Less hate. Somewhere in between.

I need to write. One day, it's all I want to do. So if you enjoy reading my words for some reason, have no fear! I shall write again. In a new blog, possibly under my real name and face. A blog better suited to accommodate all kinds of ideas. A blog that doesn't disappoint you after reading the first three entries. Well... who am I kidding? You'd probably still be disappointed... but at least I didn't mislead you. ;)

Okay, that's it for now. I'll have my new blog up soon, and this one will be going bye-bye. A huge thank you going out to all the people who stuck around thus far, and wet slobbery kisses for all my commenters. <3